Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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