Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's never too late to be topless.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
