I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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