oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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