We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
