Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
