It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
