This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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