Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
