Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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