i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
