She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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