Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
