ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
