I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
