I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
