she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
