Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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