Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
