DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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