dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
