If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize