then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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