it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
