How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
