Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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