I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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