did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
