If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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