First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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