We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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