Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
