Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
