she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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