I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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