You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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