I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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