Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
