ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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