Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize