no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
