Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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