why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
