Non-Jews are for practice
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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