i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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