Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
