He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
