Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
