I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
