I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
