Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize