THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
