and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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