And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
