And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
