if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize