True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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