I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Randomize
