what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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