I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
