Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
