It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
