at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
