I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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