i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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