eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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