You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
