if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
