so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
