If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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