Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
