But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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