I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
