Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
