I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
