I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
