she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
