I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I die, sorry about rent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize