Screwed.edu
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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