Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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