4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
