Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
