Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
