Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
