my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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