i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
