It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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