dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love how my cats smell like pot.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
