1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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