his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
