what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
