we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
