bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
