If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
