What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
