I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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