Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
