I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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