I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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