Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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