we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize