remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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