if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
