They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
