Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
