I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
