Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
